This picture of a plant being stunted by a lifeless leaf of the past illustrates to me how old things can hold us back in our current growth. In this audio I explore how the principle of forgiveness actually frees us from rumination which is a root of chronic stress and elevated cortisol for many people.
There is a lot that I don't say about forgiveness in the audio.
First- forgiveness is not saying "it's okay". It is actually fully acknowledging how wrong the offense was/is and choosing to forgive. This is a hard one for me because I can often see why someone behaves a certain way so it is hard to fully acknowledge it was STILL WRONG. I believe that in order to forgive deeply, we need to feel deeply, which is one of the hardest parts. It is hard to feel while we are actively numbing through distractions and addictions, and when the feelings come back, they can feel overwhelming. As hard as it is, this process is worth it! Get the root of the offence OUT. If it festers, it will grow into bitterness which literally rots us from the inside out.
Second- forgiveness is not a feeling. I glossed over this a bit, but if you are waiting to feel it to forgive, it will never happen. It's a choice we make with our will, and something that often needs to be actively held there until we feel it.
Third- forgiveness is not reconciliation. You can forgive someone and still have a very different relationship now than before the offense. There are people whom if I meet them on the street, I will be friendly with, but we are not friends and I am no longer pursuing relationship with them. Reconciliation can happen when the offending party is will to acknowledge the wrong and you can both move towards restoring relationship. I see this more as a spectrum than yes or no. And sometimes trust takes time to be built again. Sometimes you don't need reconciliation, because that season is just over. You can forgive and move on, like with an ex romantic relationship or an old coworker.
Fourth- forgiveness doesn't let them off the hook. Vengeance belongs to the Lord. (O LORD God, to whom vengeance belongs—O God, to whom vengeance belongs, shine forth! Psalms 94:1) We hand them over to the Lord. There may be accountability, but not retaliation. It really is a condition of the heart.
Fifth- sometimes forgiveness comes in layers. The more awareness we have the more we realize we need to forgive. Maybe you forgave an old offense, but you are still dealing with some of the ramifications, or a new area of wounding has been uncovered-- be ready to forgive again when it comes up.
Want to check out some interesting research on the rumination and cortisol!? Check out the links below below:
Some reference verses:
"And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses." Mark 11:25-26
Sometimes we forget that Jesus commands us to forgive, and it is part of His simple instruction in how to pray in the Lord's Prayer.
Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord. Therefore
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
If he is thirsty, give him a drink;
For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head."
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:17-21
Therefore, putting away lying, "Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor," for we are members of one another. "Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil. Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need. Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:25-32
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