RUSTIC RETREAT
I can’t believe this was a year ago! I was actually just
cleaning out the center console of my car last week and found the receipt from that
evening meal at the diner. What blessings that evening and morning was there.
It truly was the restorative rustic retreat that my soul needed. I was just
starting out on a long solo ride home from a super fun vacation in Wyoming that
ended in an awkward parting of ways with my travel companion out there. That
trip was pretty soon after I had been laid off from my job, and honestly, I
wasn’t feeling like there was much to go home to. I was feeling very
disoriented, confused, and frustrated. The thought did cross my mind, maybe I
wouldn’t go home. Maybe I’d just continue to wander around the west and drop
off the grid for awhile, Into the Wild style.
I did never like that story. Something always
didn’t sit right with me about it. While everyone else seemed to admire Chris
McCandless for his adventurous and free spirit, it broke my heart in a weird
way. I saw a lot of myself in Chris, and I didn’t like it. After reading the
book, my sister even asked that if I ever planned to disappear like that, if
I’d be sure to let her know. Ouch. I think I cried. I couldn’t quite articulate
what about the story didn’t fit or sit right, but it really saddened my heart.
Return to the Wilderness, a follow up documentary came out in 2014, and it made
a lot of sense of what I was feeling and put the pieces together. He was running from pain, not just
adventuring. I know what that feels like.
Interestingly, it was also a year ago the haunting poem
by Robert Service resurfaced (see below) from my archives as I was processing through my
own wanderings as I read through the book The Restless Heart. I can’t unpack
all of the depths that I wrestled through, but I think a lot of healing happens
in the stillness. When I let all I’ve been keeping at bay with movement and
distraction finally catchup to me and I allow myself to FEEL. To give God
access to help me process and heal, and allow close those He’s called to come along side
with me. By stillness, I don’t even mean lack of movement, because I actually
find sometimes I process better when I’m moving my body. But physical stillness
and rest was certainly part of it! I also don’t think healing means my love of
adventure and travel would subside, but put in a healthy place, in better
alignment. A place where my heart is open and free, and not numb and
distracted.
