A Voice for the Voiceless :: A Call to Action

As the news of legislation expanding the parameters of abortion in the state of New York (Jan 22, 2019), a cry of grief and disgust of many is heard, and rightfully so. But friends, let’s not get stuck in a place of grief and disgust! Being a voice for the voiceless is more than expressing our disapproval on social media and showing up to a protest. We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities. Wisdom from above is foolishness to earthly philosophy. (1 Corinthians 3:19) Hearts are changed by God. We need to be praying and fasting for a release of God’s love, His strategy, His creativity, and His justice. 

We should be asking, “what is MY call to action?” I’m going to give you a little warning, it may quite possibly be outside your comfort zone. It might be costly. If we earnestly seek Him, He will show us, but we need to be willing to hear things we don’t want to hear, and be willing to be obedient anyway.

If you don’t have a practice of praying and fasting, I suggest you seek God on a place to start. He will show you. There are some great resources out there with practical instruction and guidance (The Celebration of Discipline is one of my favorite) but none parallels the wisdom God will give you when you seek Him. I don’t like fasting, but it gets me to a place of humility and tenderness towards God’s heart that I so sorely need! 

Our first call might be to our own healing. How can we bring the Love and Light of God if our own brokenness has filled us with anger, hatred, criticism, and shame? This may be a long and hard and pain-filled process. Lean in.  He is a good Father, He is faithful and loves us way too much to leave us in our brokenness. But, He is also a gentleman. He won’t force healing on us, we need to come to Him. We don’t want to come to the time that God is calling us to action only to find we are in disrepair and unable. It is easier to focus on the brokenness outside us instead of the brokenness within us. Let’s be willing to do the hard work and go to the uncomfortable places to be in a place of readiness. 

Maybe God has broken your heart for these voiceless children, but He is calling you into your personal healing first. Trust Him. We need discernment to know what battles we are called to engage in, and which we are to wait on. King David inquired of God if he should chase after the raiders that pillaged his home. He WAITED until he got the go ahead, and God have him the victory (1 Samuel 30:1-8). Be sure you are equipped and called to the battle before rushing in. Deuteronomy 20:5-9 gives instruction on who should not go into battle. In verse 8 it says, ”’Is there any man who is fearful and fainthearted? Let him go back to his house, lest he make the heart of his fellows melt like his own.’” (ESV) 

God will give us His wisdom, His boldness, and His strategy, through the Holy Spirit. Yes, we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but we should be seeking and listening to the Holy Spirit as to what actions He has for us in the practical. Being a voice for the voiceless may mean getting over your squeamishness in talking to your kids about sex and sexuality in a biblical and redeemed way. It may mean having repeated verbal conversations, pointing out right behavior and error, showing our young people they are valued apart from sexuality, and that it doesn’t define them, and modeling in our own words and actions! 

It might include talk about celibate sexuality; how we can express and cultivate our connection to God and others through creativity, and community, and compassion. How many people know that the ONLY foolproof way of avoiding unwanted pregnancy is abstinence? Yet, it’s not presented as a reasonable option because we have been conditioned to believe we are slaves to our appetites. (Another benefit of fasting, is FEELING hungry, and not acting on it. This is a potent lesson that we don’t need to be ruled by our appetites of both food and other desires.) I pray God will release and lead me to write more on this topic in the future because there is such a void in this area. As a single woman in my mid 30’s, “wait until marriage to have sex” sounds like a call to white knuckle it for an undetermined amount of time. No wonder no one wants to talk about it as a legitimate option! That sounds awful. And it IS an awful place to be without a better dialog. Choosing to not engage in sexual relationships does not mean I cease being a sexual being. Part of the better dialog is discovering and pouring in to the aspects of connection, community, creativity, and compassion that God is calling me to. These are uncomfortable topics to write about and reveal for others to read, even as I wrestle through on my own journey, but it’s needed. 

May God release strategy for ways to extricate the roots, and not allow us to get so caught up and distracted with the fruit. We can easily weary ourselves trying to manage the fruit of the issue instead of bringing the ax of His strategy to the root of the problem. Lord help us. 

I Like You and I Love You

I have a dear friend who would periodically tell me that she likes me and she loves me. I adored her differentiation between the two. Because they ARE different. Sometimes people hurt us or behave in certain ways that we don’t understand or like, but we still LOVE them. Sometimes we choose to love people we don’t really like!  We keep on acting lovingly towards them. Another wise friend tells me, “Sometimes loving someone well looks like having really good boundaries.” YES!! Love is not always permissive, letting someone get their way or making excuses for their toxic or hurtful behavior. These kinds of good boundaries can help guard against letting dysfunctional elements into relationships.

What about your relationship to yourself? Perhaps there are aspects that you don’t like about yourself. Can you choose to LOVE yourself anyway? Maybe you are struggling with negativity, or anger, or criticism. You catch yourself after the fact. Perhaps it’s okay and even right to not LIKE the behavior. But how can you be loving towards yourself? The next step might be some tough love for yourself. It might mean foregoing defending your behavior and taking a sober look at why. It may even mean inviting someone into that place to see you where you are, and walking alongside you with compassionate accountability.

This is the time of the year notorious for people being critical of their bodies and behaviors. They follow the criticism with plans and strategies how to do better this year. Some people will commit to abusing their bodies with harsh exercise, or cutting whole food groups out of their diet because they are “bad” and they are “being bad” when they consume them. This doesn’t sound like very loving behavior!

I have also noticed some backlash to this tradition. And I think somewhat rightly so. What concerns me though, is the risk of being overly permissive of hurtful behavior. Sometimes loving ourselves well looks like having really good boundaries! We don’t have to like our bodies to love them. What might this look like in the practical?

It probably means letting go of some really restrictive rules. The problem with cutting out whole food groups and drastic changes in diet, and harsh exercise, is that it is unsustainable. It creates an “on the wagon” vs “off the wagon” mentality. These types of rules can really create a lot of toxic habits, guilt and shame around food, and lead to disordered eating. It is fine and normal and even HEALTHY to have an occasional treat. The key word is occasional. Dessert foods never used to be part of a daily diet. The inception of processed and mass produced foods made these foods so readily accessible that they can be (and often are) eaten daily. Some good and healthy boundaries in this area would be to include treat foods on a few occasions a week, and FULLY enjoy them without guilt! I cringe when people say they are having a “cheat meal” or they are “cheating” on their diet. First, there is no such thing as cheating on a diet. We all bear the outcome of the food we eat, whether it is nutritious or not. By using the word “cheat” we are associating certain foods with being bad. Foods are inanimate. They are not inherently BAD. (I’d actually be more inclined to label a food ‘bad’ if the production of it is actively oppressing people, creating toxic outcomes in the environment, or supporting the abuse of animals—but that tangent is for another post!)

Loving your body well might include getting some good solid education on nutrition and health so you are equipped to make healthy choices. Unfortunately a lot of people are getting a lot of their information from someone promoting a certain diet or product. That is marketing, not education. The truth is: there is no one size fits all diet. We all have different bodies, chemistries, and ancestral heritage—which often affect the way we digest and metabolize different foods. Here is a really good article on why some people thrive on a vegan diet and others develop problematic deficiencies! David Winston, my teacher of clinical herbal medicine would often share this truth, “your body does not care about your philosophy.” I firmly believe that people can and should be able to eat wheat as part of a healthy diet. My body does not agree with this philosophy. I am allergic to gluten and consuming it causes some disastrous results!

Some may need baby steps; small incremental changes that are sustainable. Others might need a lot of accountability, strategy, and education to start! When I was going through treatment for an eating disorder, I was started out on a very rigid meal plan. I had to measure everything I ate. For me, it wasn’t because I was eating too much at meals, but I wasn’t eating enough, and then I was later binging and purging. This structure provided a safe place to learn what healthful meals and portions looked like. I was learning what it meant and felt like to nourish my body consistently throughout the day. AND! I had mandatory 2 desserts a week. I clearly remember “doughnut day” when I ate a doughnut for breakfast. This was part of my meal plan! And then I continued the day eating nourishing food. Sometimes what is needed is full permission to partake and enjoy a treat food. That time on the rigid meal plan was temporary. It was never intended for me to stay in that rigid structure, but serve as training so I could move to keep a food diary and record my meals, and eventually move to “normal eating.”

Sometimes restriction leads to freedom. Right now my diet is restrictive. But it’s not because I am punishing my body for being too large or too weak or too anything else. I choose to restrict my diet out of loving care for my body. Before I became committed to eliminate wheat out of my diet, my LIFE was restricted by the pain and inflammation and unpredictable bowel movements caused by eating gluten. It was a hard choice to make, but sometimes hard choices are required to move into freedom and healing. The difference is the attitude of love towards myself and not punishment. There have been times when I share with someone the food restrictions I have for health reasons, and their response to me is, “lucky you, if I couldn’t eat those foods I’d be thin.” This is both infuriating and heartbreaking all at once. Who wants to be thin so badly that they wish illness on their own body? Too many people unfortunately. I have received these comments on multiple occasions. At first it felt offensive and dismissive of the fact that I am often experience pain. I am often inconvenienced traveling and going out to eat, not to mention it would be nice to have the OPTION to have certain treats.

There are some good principles to follow, but they aren’t hard and fast rules. Louise Hay says, “If it grows, eat it. If it doesn’t grow, don’t eat it.” Even if this principle was followed 50% of the time, a lot of people’s nutritional intake would improve! It would mean a drastic reduction in processed and mass produced food, as these foods are manufactured, not grown.

Maybe you don’t like the body you are in. Maybe it’s not as young and strong as it was. Maybe it’s injured or disabled. Maybe it’s a constant struggle to get to a ‘healthy’ weight. Can you love it anyway? What might that look like? It might start by not calling it names and cursing it for not performing as you wished. When we love our body, we take better care of it. We choose more nutritious foods. We take the time to care for it well and prepare healthful meals, because these bodies of ours are worth the time and effort. Michael Pollan even suggests eating anything you want as long as it’s cooked at home! Take some time and consider what would loving YOUR body well might look like this year.

I bless you to know what loving your body well looks like in 2019!

PART TWO Redeeming the Real Christmas Tree

In the previous blog Redeeming The Real Christmas Tree, the symbolism and spiritual meaning behind the tradition of bringing a live trees into our homes was discussed. But, there is another facet of redemption, the environmental impact of this tree chopping tradition. I am an advocate of mindful harvesting of medicinal plants and environmental stewardship, and yet I don’t find it hypocritical in the least to having a real tree as opposed to an artificial tree. 

There are actually some benefits to your home in choosing a real tree over artificial. Since I brought this tree home it’s been drinking up about a liter of water a day. Where is that water going? Well, it’s going back into the air as the tree breathes! It’s a living humidifier! One of the challenges in winter is the dry air. Dried out nasal don’t function well. The moisture of the mucus membranes work by capturing and binding pathogens. The dry air can also lead to inflammation which can cause further constriction and stagnation of mucus leading to an infection. Sure, you could use a room humidifier, but does your humidifier also filter the air!? Houseplants have long been known to improve indoor air quality, and a live tree in the home is essentially a giant houseplant! Bringing a real tree indoors in the winter can help alleviate stagnant air! 

Plus, you get the aromatherapy benefits! Pine essential oil is helpful for lung congestion associated with colds and flu. It can also be uplifting and energizing. I just LOVE walking into the living room and greeted with the soft scent of pine. 

Fake trees are usually made of petroleum based materials, and about 85% come from China. While artificial trees may be saving a few trees from being cut down, they certainly are not without their own environmental impact. When finally disposed of, that artificial tree it will likely be in a landfill for centuries. On the other hand, most real trees come from small tree farms, and about 93% of real trees are recycled through over 4,000 different programs! 

I also love the ambiance of having the lit tree in the home. It is something I look forward to each year. Having something beautiful in the home to look at is therapeutic in its self! I also love the eclectic mix of ornaments from different people and memories and my childhood. I usually keep my tree as long as I can, (which may have been as late as March last year!) because I find the long winter nights need a bit of extra cheer! 

So, if you have chosen a REAL tree this year, enjoy the holistic experience! And if you’ve chosen an artificial tree, perhaps you will choose the real deal the next time around!!

A very Merry Christmas to all! 

May we all have tender hearts to receive the Light and Love of Jesus.

Redeeming The Real Christmas Tree

Christmas feels like one of the few textured holidays I experience in the United States. In a culture generally lacking in meaningful tradition and ceremony, the ones we DO have often feel watered down with either superficial gestures that seem to lack much significance, or they get overrun with commercialism and consumerism. Just think about weddings, often there so much emphasis on the extravagance and planning, that the gravity of the occasion is often diluted in the din. 

Christmas is at risk of the same. What are we doing?? Why all the lights and cheer and merriment? Do you ever wonder why we are dragging LIVE trees indoors and stringing them with lights and décor? There are various theories as to where this tradition originated, but often I hear about the pagan roots of this tradition. Some even forego having a Christmas tree all together to avoid any association. I strongly believe we should follow the convictions of our conscious and heed the leading of the Spirit for our own lives. But, I also think we could easily throw out ALL traditions in fear, or just as tragic, simply go through empty motions without any meaning. 

There is nothing inherently mystical about a Christmas tree, but it can be steeped in spiritual meaning. For me, it is a daily reminder as I bend down to water this tree of the COST of my joy in this season. This tree is dying. The tree has already been dealt the death blow, but life is lingering for this season while I water it daily. It’s a reminder that the Word became flesh. The immortal God became perishable. Emmanuel, “God with us”. Think about that for a moment. God WITH us. No other god comes down to where we are to intimately know our experience and our suffering and the fragility of this life. Christmas is the celebration of the birth Jesus Christ. The One who remedied the problem of sin and separation between man and God. He paid the highest price to be with us in our suffering, in our loneliness. He paid the highest price to celebrate with us in the fullness of joy! 

It is also a reminder that this spiritual walk needs DAILY nourishment. If I watered this tree once a week it would soon turn brown and drop needles. The problem is, it wouldn’t happen right away. So I might think I don’t need it daily. In John 15 Jesus says “I am the vine, you are the branches” (v.5) He is offering us more than earthly water, He is offering Himself as our sustenance. A daily watering will slow the progression of death of this evergreen tree in my living room, but it IS dying. I’m just delaying the process. The book of Romans says of us, “who were branches from a wild olive tree, have been grafted in. So now you also receive the blessing God has promised Abraham and his children, sharing in the rich nourishment from the root of God’s special olive tree.” (Romans 11:17 NLT) We are no longer just being watered to delay death, but connected to the source of LIFE. 

To be GRAFTED in to the Vine is costly. It’s committed. It’s setting aside all other sources of ‘watering’ for the gift of LIFE. This life is not just for after this earthly death, it is LIFE NOW. Jesus says, “I am the bread of life!” (John 6:48) and that this bread was sent by our Heavenly Father, “for the life of the world.” (John 6:51) For those of us in this world (yes, that is you and I!) true life and satisfaction is offered now! And, it is a gift, underserved favor with God, because of the completed work of Jesus Christ, if we believe and put our trust in Him and not our own “watering”. THIS is the reason to celebrate! That God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to pay the full penalty of our sin, that is death and separation from God. It is the undoing of the fall of man. So that all would be reconciled and brought back into relationship with God—if we choose Him. 

May these trees be a symbol to center us back to WHY we are celebrating Christmas. And be a reminder to the reason we have JOY.

Collecting Streams

This is a repost from a year ago when I was closing down my herbal skincare business. I was reading through it yesterday, and loved revisiting what I was processing then, and where I am NOW still sorting out WHAT it is I am to be focusing on. 

Collecting Streams

Terra Goods is Closing for Good

And this is GOOD NEWS! I am really thrilled to announce that by the end of the year, Terra Goods will be closing. Possibly sooner if I sell off all of my remaining stock! 

I have been feeling like I have been on the cusp of transition for a while now, but wasn’t seeing any external evidence or having a clear direction what to move towards, but there has been a lot of internal stirring.

Over the years various writers have stirred me, but few as much as the writing of Lilias Trotter. Just about all she writes slices through my hardness; she gives words to the deep stirrings and brings conviction with such gentleness. Here, she writes about, “Gathered up, focussed lives, intent on one aim—Christ”

“We see the principle shadowed in the trend of science; the telephone and the wireless in the realm of sound, the use of radium and the ultra violet rays in the realm of light. All these work by gathering into focus currents and waves that, dispersed, cannot serve us. In every branch of learning and workmanship the tendency of these days is to specialize--to take up one point and follow it to the uttermost.

And Satan knows well the power of concentration; if a soul is likely to get under the sway of the inspiration, "this one thing I do," he will turn all his energies to bring in side-interests that will shatter the gathering intensity.

And they lie all around, these interests. Never has it been so easy to live in half a dozen good harmless worlds at once--art, music, social science, games, motoring, the following of some profession, and so on, And between them we run the risk of drifting about, the "good" hiding the "best' even more effectually than it could be hidden by downright frivolity with its smothered heart-ache at its own emptiness.”

In the book The Restless Heart, Ronald Rolheiser explores how loneliness can cause us to be unable to channel our creative and affective energies in a meaningful way. He quotes Gregory of Nyssa, using the image of a current of a stream, how when a spring wells up and its current is divided into many channels, the flow becomes feeble and lacks any use, but if those currents can be collected into one, the force and the flow can be of great use! 

These words cut through me! I am a woman of many interests and passions and curiosities! I have felt that feeling of feeble sluggishness as a dispersed stream come into my life, where my life flow has been spread out and lacking current. While I am doing one thing, I am often tracking what needs to get done in another aspect of my life. 

I am on a journey of “collecting my streams,” and there is an incredible excitement in it! If this decision to close up shop came even a few months ago, it might have felt like defeat. But, letting go of something that has taken a lot of time and resources, so I can pour them into a current that is aligned with who I was designed to be, well that’s just thrilling! Admittedly, I don’t know exactly what that will look like in the end, and chances are, this adjustment will not lead to a destination. 

The more I live life spirit led, the more I realize that in the process of things is LIFE. In the turns and the adjustments and corrections as I am led, there are lessons, productive growth, and meaningful connections to be made, and, did I mention—JOY! As these adjustments get made, I gain clarity. I love plants, (if you don’t know this already!) but God has clearly said this is about His people, not about His plants. One of the difficulties of an online business is the lack of personal connection and community, two things that I highly value and gain great satisfaction from! So, I will be pursuing more opportunities to engage personally and in community! Most specifically: as I now have completed the needed study hours in herbalism, and am in pursuit of acquiring the remaining 200 clinical hours towards becoming an American Herbalist Guild registered herbalist, I will pursue working with more clients. Additionally, I will be taking more opportunities to connect people to creation and natural health through community engagement, group activities, workshops, and outdoor adventures!  

While I don’t know where all this will lead, if you would like to stay in touch and up to date, or you absolutely NEED some natural deodorant, please send your contact or inquiries to: K8Vaccaro@gmail.com

Dancing Isn’t a Democracy

Dancing Isn’t a Democracy

Who knew such a potent lesson could come from dancing bachata! God can speak to us in all sorts of ways if we are open and listening, even on the dance floor. I am fairly new to social dancing, and it was a very intimidating pursuit! I have always been a very physical person and enjoy moving my body, but the thought to have someone else in my space moving WITH me seemed like a recipe for disaster. I was baffled how two people could move in harmony and beautifully, unchoreographed! Especially during fast energetic dances like salsa or the hustle! How are they not stepping on each other or elbowing each other in the face!? I quickly learned the lead/follow dynamic is what enables the beauty to unfold. As a free spirited, independent woman, this aspect was not immediately comfortable, and I still struggle with it. Part of my difficulty is waiting on the leader’s cues, but also in letting go and being in the moment and not trying to anticipate. It has been fascinating to me how differently each leader leads and how the lead/follow dynamic really is like a conversation without words.

A few nights ago a young man asked me to dance, and it was immediately uncomfortable. We weren’t quite on the same beat, his cues weren’t very clear and were a bit delayed so I felt rushed and behind most of the dance. He seemed more interested in his own moves and looking good than being present in the dance, offering clear and timely cues, and moving in harmony with me. It was anxiety producing and it really wasn’t enjoyable. I was relieved when the song ended and I quickly moved to get off the dancefloor. But, a second young man invited me to dance. I accepted. What a world of difference, even though it was both bachata. There is such a comfort in a clear lead. He wasn’t being forceful or harsh, which can be just as uncomfortable and unpleasant! We moved well together, his indications were timely and clear, and there was an expression of joy and beauty! I was having a lot of FUN!

I often learn through experiences and physical pursuits, and I have taken MANY potent lessons from the dance floor. This particular evening was a clear reminder of my needs in relationships. I like clarity, clear communication, and moving in harmony, to the same beat. Interestingly, the man I first danced with, later danced with another woman, and they had a beautiful “conversation” on the dancefloor, synchronized and lovely. This is a reminder that some people just jive together better than others. It’s not a judgement on RIGHT or WRONG ways all the time, but preference or differing needs.

Dancing has also been a reminder of some spiritual truths that I keep circling back to. Partner dancing has RULES, a structured set of steps that all of the other moves build on. When I first started, I was a bit confused by what I was learning, because often I didn’t even see the basic steps watching an advanced couple dancing! All I could see was the freedom and beauty in their synchronized movement. Often I hear people say they don’t like to be restricted by the rules of partner dance. They want their freedom of expression. How often do we respond this way to God? We don’t want to follow His rules, which gives structure and form that ALLOW freedom and beauty. In resisting His Word, our following of Him starts looking more like a boxing match than a lovely dance filled with joy. The law is meant to give freedom, but we only see it as restricting. Just like traffic laws allow the free flow of cars efficiently and safely at high speeds. If you have ever been in a country without traffic laws, or laws that are not abided by, you have experienced the chaos! There can’t be quick travel because you never know for sure what the other drivers are going to do! Or, we want to dance to our own beat. Maybe we find the music of the Spirit too fast or too slow, so we set our own tempo. This is just as disastrous and painful to watch. When we are willing to listen to the melody and rhythm of the Spirit, stay within the structure of the Word, and follow the leading of the Father, we can be assured that He will unfold the most exquisite dance of joy and beauty.

Prepare Him Room

**I wrote this at the end of 2017 as part of a gift to my family and a few close friends.**

The relevance has not faded over the following months. How do I leave room for God

to work in my life? In my heart? Part, is having an open heart to let go (like of the

 job I had then)-- but also an open heart to receive. I love the unique Bleeding Heart 

flowers. As they mature, the bottom of the 'heart' splits open, making room

 for the ripening seed. We also can make space in our hearts and lives for the

 plans and provisions and purpose that God is ripening in our lives. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Therefore I will look to the Lord;

I will wait for the God of my salvation;

My God will hear me. Micah 7:7

Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart,

All you who HOPE in the Lord. Pslam 32:24

And the word of the Lord came to me, saying,

 “Jeremiah, what do you see?”

 And I said, “I see an almond branch.” Then the Lord said to me, 

“You have seen well, for I am watching over my word to perform it.” 

Jeremiah 1:11-12

“Joy to the world, the Lord has come!

 Let earth receive her King

 Let every heart prepare Him room”

This seems to have been the year for “preparing Him room.” I had pretty small understanding those familiar lyrics until recently when I was processing through what it means to HOPE in the Lord, and I feel as though it may be a lifetime more of unpacking all that it means in the outworkings of life. HOPE feels like creating space in my heart, a gap—at times a gaping hole that hurts and throbs to be filled. Creating space for God to move and work. Joy does not fit in a heart that if filled with hurt, disappointment, and pain. Could I give Him room to dredge the muddy waters of my heart and give way to the clear rivers of joy and satisfaction?

The coming of the King is JOY for those who have room to receive.

Space in my heart wasn’t just about getting out the nasty stuff, it also means WAITING on Him. It means not filling it with other things in the meanwhile, not squeezing out my desires of God’s best with the ‘good,’ not running out and trying to get God’s work done in my own intellect and planning, not moving forward because I am tired of waiting, because I like action, because waiting has become too painful so I have to DO something! This problem is not unique to me or even my generation, the Bible is filled with stories of those who could not wait, Abraham, Esau, King Saul. We also read about the wonders that God does when those who wait in obedience don’t jump the gun and try to get it done themselves. I love the words of David in 1 Samuel 22:3 “Please let my father and my mother stay with you, till I know what God will do for me.” He was on the run for his life, his world was in complete upheaval and he says, “till I know what God will do for me.”

What has this looked like? It means staying in a job that I have really had enough of. Letting go of certain friendships, investing more in some relationships and less in others. Closing down a business that took a lot of time and resources. Waiting in the area of dating, not to give up, but to leave room in my heart with anticipation—which can be painful! Some days, denying these desires would certainly feel easier, but not at the cost of settling for less than God’s best! God treasures this time with me, to be present with me in a unique way in my waiting. He fills the space with His sweet goodness, He preserves my heart from bitterness.

It means giving God the first say in where I go and how I spend my time. I have come to see a lot of people have their agenda for my time, even in GOOD things I need to be sure I am not crowding out God with busyness or exhausting myself. I too am watching for Him to perform His word so I am ready for action and not caught napping! It means letting certain hobbies that I have taken great enjoyment in become less and less, maybe for a season, maybe for good. It means taking risks of obedience to do things that feel out of my character, to be sensitive to the gentle nudge of the Holy Spirit to reach out to a friend, or give a word of encouragement or a prayer for a stranger. These have been the places of greatest joy in the last year. When I have been the most hesitant or resistant to where I feel God is leading, and following Him anyway.

Preparing Him room has created a shift in my relationship with God. I want His presence more than I want what He can do for me. He is becoming my satisfaction in the time of waiting. He is the Bread of Life, the one who nourishes me, sustains me, holds me and comforts me. And He, more than anything else desires ME, to BE with me. So much so, that He sent His son. Emmanuel, “God with us” to forever destroy the barrier of sin and separation, to be present with me in my time of waiting, to be my hope as we watch together for Him to perform His word. 

“till I know what God will do for me.”