Yesterday was Saturday and I had a lot I had to do and wanted to get done-- including the Tea Formulation Gather prep and start more seeds and get the growing station setup. I was feeling discouraged and sad and just frustrated. Like a thick cloud of darkness settled in and clouded all my thoughts. At one point I thought, I don't want to plant seeds while I'm in a bad mood. I don't want to put that energy into them. It would be such a stark contrast from last planting when I was so excited and felt stirred up over what God is doing. I almost just threw the towel in for the day.
I don't actually believe that though. That's just some *woo hoo* nonsense.
So I went on DOING what I had set out to do. I set the shelves. Rigged up the grow lights and the heating pad. I prepped the soil and the tray. And I planted as I planned-- even as I was grumpy and sad and discouraged.
And then while I was planting a verse from Psalms came to mind:
5 Those who sow in tears
Shall reap in joy.
6 He who continually goes forth weeping,
Bearing seed for sowing,
Shall doubtless come again with rejoicing,
Bringing his sheaves with him. Psalms 126:4-6
Scripture says the opposite of the good vibes only mentality! God isn't nearly as concerned about my bad mood getting bad vibes in my work. Sometimes all I can do is put one foot in front of the other. And DO the next thing. And that DOING is evidence of FAITH even if I feel like I can hardly muster and feelings of faith. It is, I am seeing, and act of my WILL. Not the thoughts of my mind, or dependent on if I can imagine how God will do it. Nor my emotions and how I feel in the moment. It is in fact an ACT of my will.
I picture salvation like a seed germinating. All of this life is bound up in the seed with no capacity on its own to unpack it. It needs the life activating water to ignite germination. Irrevocable growth. The faith is opening to receive. How different are our paths we each take to soften that hard husk on our hearts to a place to receive and say YES to new life in Christ.
The truth is, there are many areas of my life that constantly need the salvific work of God. They need the life activating water to transform what ever it is into something that is LIFE GIVING. Sometimes I need that DARKNESS to see the futility of what I am doing and planning and philosophizing on my own means. Seeds without water bring no life. I need to receive HIS life to be life giving to others in all I am doing.
BELEIVE IN THE DARKNESS WHAT YOU HAVE SEEN IN THE LIGHT
Lilias Trotter